Yesterday was my second month with my bf. Yep : ) & I'm lucky to have been able to spend the day with him. It's really amazing how fast time seems to go, even if its only our second month. two moths ago .. we were just friends , and two months ago we were well .. different. The thing is, I'm still in "awe" about how he makes me feel. I'm crazy for him, and right now I can't contain how happy he makes me.

Labels: l o v e

I've finally finished my photo trace. I'm pretty proud of it : ) considering the time I put it to making it. A lot of people have amazing tracing skills though. I guess I'm not as creative as I am on paper .. technological design is still pretty new to me : ) But yes I'm proud of it.

So this morning, I was in a rush again .. like always. I never really eat breakfast except after first period when I can dash to the school cafeteria and grab a bagel. That's usually enough to keep me going in gym class. So I was talking to Ellie today, ROFL . Long time no talk for us. I'm pretty happy I still have her as one of my friends, especially because our classes together are .. well .. OUT. I sitll can't help but feel a bit sad though, that our old groups are in the ruins. Its okay at times I guess. My mood has been shifting up and down lately, I really don't know what to do. Eating seems to be the only cure for it. But I lose my appetite at most times too. Usually I just let myself be hungry and wait till I can't take it anymore.

I quite enjoyed basketball yesterday during gym class. I felt so energetic. I've never played like that in forever .. and my body shows that .. as I was well tired after a few minutes. Its probably because of my poor diet, but I'm working on that : ) Hopefully basketball is on again today. I just want to keep playing.

Labels: amazing, art, basketball, mood, photo, tracing

Today was like any other day for me. The only thing different ? FEELINGS. Yep. I suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of ... well , jealousy today. I hate this feeling. You can guess what type of jealousy I must be feeling. Like any normal teenager who has a boyfriend. DING . I guess preventing myself from talking to him ( just because I've been staying up too long ) , is what's causing it. I'd rather not bother him with every single little thing. Especially stupid things like this.

Truth is though, no matter how jealous I get, I'll actually never admit that I am. REASON? I just don't want to. Plus I don't want to well .. look so clingy. Holding it inside me, ( I think ) avoids further embarassement and a possible change in that person's thought of you. I feel posessive once I get this feeling, and I hate it so much. Yeah, most people tell me that "jealousy is healthy in a relationship" .. but as a catholic, I prefer that excerpt from the bible , "love is not jealous .. " it makes sense. But I've always wondered .. can you really avoid being jealous? At this age I don't think you can as much especially if you're in a relationship. I've gotten over it, but I sitll can't stop thinking.

I've also noticed today that I've started to care so much about how I look since I started dating my bf. I never use to .. not for a guy anyways. Maybe a little bit, but never this excessive. The way I feel about my looks all started because of this. I realize that when I was getting ready for school today, picking things out to wear, thinking, "Will he like this?" .. knowing full well that I won't be seeing him. Its hard to NOT change yourself for a guy, I must admit. Knowing that his friends will judge you .. and his family. If you don't look good to them, tendency is you won't look good for him either. No matter how much he assures me I look fine .. somehow I still can't help but dash to a nearby mirror to see if I really looked fine. Its amazing how stupid I can get, thinking I can be like other girls who pamper themselves .. and cake their faces with make-up. Maybe now I'm starting to realize that I'm better without all of those things. My mom has always been right. I just never listen.

Make-up enhances the face .. but natural beauty is harder to achieve when you can't see yourself.

Labels: beauty, boys, change, jealousy, pour out

" .. like a heart candy with a surprise center .. how do I get better once I had the best .. " - Katy Perry "Thinking of You."

Current song I'm listening to : ) & here I'am again .. in Design Studies class. This time I'm working on tracing an outline of a picture of me .. one problem. I HATE ALL OF MY PICTURES. Having pimples doesn't make it any better .. I think that the reason I've been so low in self-esteem lately is because of how I look. I tihnk .. gah. I just want to feel better about myself. But I guess I should be more concerned on tracing my photograph >.<>I'LL work hard on it : )

I'm glad I don't have school tomorrow .. but I'll be locked in again like usual = - = ' so me and my sister are .. hehehe .. planning something. It's a horrible thing to do .. If you're reading this, you probably already know what were planning =>.<= MALL ! I'm pretty tired .. especially from yesterday. LESS AND LESS SLEEP. But I did see my beby yesterday. Yesh I did. 3 hours doesn't seem a lot of time to be together .. but its better than no time at all.

I hope today I do well in that bio exam .. even if it was a take home / study from the quiz but don't write on it .. I was so tired I just crashed and left studying. On top of that .. This always seem to happen. BIO EXAM AND ELA EXAM ON THE SAME DAY !! Learning about the digestive system sin't really what I want to do after a night of . um .. hard labour. HAHA .

PSHAAA . I'll head out now .. before a teacher catches me NOT doing my work.
i love you LB♥ - char.

Labels: fail, gay., hearts;, sleep

So I've totally been neglecting my blog .. gah. Laziness is getting the better of me each day >.< I don't really know how to stop it. Lack of sleep seems to take away all my power to .. um .. not be lazy. stupid me. I guess I'm still so used to staying up late , that I can't adjust myself from sleeping a little early. That comes with a lot of consequences. Besides almost losing my consciousness in class, I also gained a few more pimples and darkened those already dark eyebags T ~ T . nooo .. I can't wear cover ups or make-up because having pimples irritates the frick out of them . It'll be nice to have a clear skin someday .. not perfect but just clear enough to make me happy. GAWSH . so highlights of today ? Well I tried on my sister's black extensions .. those things are amzing ! I wished I didn't cut my hair because I prefer to have them real than wear extensions .. I guess I have to wait awhile again, I just hope it grows really fast !

So today is another boring day. I guess my days have been so repetitive lately. I hate it. Nothing is ever new anymore. I gave up on rugby, knowing I will not be able to commit that time frame I wish I could put into it .. and on top of that the fees .. well I'll never be able to afford it, seeing as my mom already warned me that she will not help me no matter how much I beg. I guess today was pretty disappointing too. I was so psyche to print my "Eco" home project but the printer wasn't working T ~ T and on top of that .. gahhhhh gym was twice as boring as it usually is. Lunchtime is okay. That's the only time slot I actually ever liked going to school.

Today too .. hahaha . my BF fails .. as he forgot the emaning of "mahal kita". I don't know why that would ever get me disappointed. But it did .. probably because .. even I don't know. hmm. Oh yes , for english .. arghh . I don't want to read a poem out loud ..its just different from when I read out loud in class .. just because you have to put so much emotions into it .. and on top of that we are getting graded for it = P EEWW . I'm such a lazy girl. Ah well .. goodnight blog .. as I am getting lazy again.

Labels: boring, goodnight, lazy

look what I just found ♥


*//[Li]+[ng]=Ling.Simple Math\\* sent 08/03/2009 10:25 AM:
Ill just talk while you are away
*//[Li]+[ng]=Ling.Simple Math\\* sent 08/03/2009 10:25 AM:
I love you beby
*//[Li]+[ng]=Ling.Simple Math\\* sent 08/03/2009 10:26 AM:
You make my heart complete
*//[Li]+[ng]=Ling.Simple Math\\* sent 08/03/2009 10:26 AM:
Without you, my heart would stop
*//[Li]+[ng]=Ling.Simple Math\\* sent 08/03/2009 10:26 AM:
I will always be there for you
*//[Li]+[ng]=Ling.Simple Math\\* sent 08/03/2009 10:27 AM:
I will be your happiness when you are sad
*//[Li]+[ng]=Ling.Simple Math\\* sent 08/03/2009 10:27 AM:
And your shadow when you are lonely
*//[Li]+[ng]=Ling.Simple Math\\* sent 08/03/2009 10:27 AM:
; )

I wished I was online that time ..

& guess what beby ? iLOVEyou. More than anything.
you`re my worLd and I won't let anyone eLse take
you away from me. What you mean to me .. I can't
descRibe. You're more than I deseRve and I wouldn't
have you any other waay.

Labels: LING LEE

Good morning : ) I finally finished the "print-out" version of my Eco Home. I'm pretty proud of it, considering that I have no skills in Adobe Illustrator or haven't been in a class of Com. Tech. I'm glad that even if we have a spare from design studies (because the computers are down) I was still able to finish what I wanted to finish. Even if I'm hungry as hell for missing breakfast. I probably won't survive run day today in gym class .. that's the only thing I regret about all this, I'm really hungry. I have less that 5minutes to grab something before gym class, but I'd rather blog : ) I'll just die doing that run. I guess I deserve that after yesterday = P


__________________________________________________________________

I wrote all that before the school bell interrupted me : / so if you're reading this .. then you know I survived that run day. My ipod actually helped a little, and I'm glad that you're allowed to carry electornics while doing that. I must have gained a lot of weight because I don't feel as energetic as I use too T - T gardam. I actually stumbled through that run. I'll do better once I get the hang of it again. After all that run, I probably gained back the calories I've eatem because of the beef teriyaki and chocolate milk I pigged out on. School went .. okay. I still dread it. Since starting high school my self-esteem has gone down so low. I get depressed sometimes with the events that happen in school.. its unexplainabLe to me. I'm trying to cope with it .. GAH . Its probably because I'm never happy with the way I look. People are right when they say that "highschool will be the death of you" .. it will be. Too much pressure .. & I promise myself never to let it get tome but here I am .. letting it get to me. ot only that I get other pressures from outside school . My life is crazy. To most whatever you do will never be good enough. I give up on myself so quickly. Other than that I'm still alive from he dramas of highschool = - = '

Today was actually a pretty great day. Meaghan and I chilled after school. So 2hours of our time was mostly spent on eating and the rest of the time was for of course shopping! I found a really great belt bag .. which is an imitation but SHHH of a really good brand .. but I'm cheap = ) I'm not going to pay for the real thing. BEsides no one will know until they look at the bag closely or if you tell them : ) that's what I call "smart buy" . I also bought these little cute voodoo doll phone chains. HAHAHA . Yeah .. I'm a queerr .. once I saw them .. weLL I have to have them : ) After all that, we made our trip back to our homes ..

I still miss yesterday though >.< I spent all my time with LB. Well my afternoon after school anyways. Its very rare for him to sneak to come see me so of course I cherish every moment I get to spend with him. He would never know how much it means to me for him to sacrifice all his time for me. I've never had someone do this to me before .. and I'm more glad than ever to have him. I thank God for him .. . I know I'm being "naive" again. That most people would probably say that at this age .. love can't exist. But the thing is its true . . we don't know better. That's why we fall ourselves. Right now this type of thing .. well its like an experience. We learn .. and if we succeed then its good .. if we fall then we learn from it. What I feel for him .. . I love him a lot. SO for me if it doesn't work out then I learn from it. But at this rate I'm still working hard for us. Maybe someday I`ll crack form the pressure of being with him.

Other highlights of today ? ... nothing else. LAWL. except my mom forgot to put sugar in the pandesal .. causing it to be bland. HAHAHA .

Labels: pandesal pressure iloveyou love run day spare

After contemplating for awhile, I finally decided to skip gym, the most dreaded subject for me, even if I do enjoy working out. I've been wanting to work on my blog for awhile, after putting it of for so long now, only to find that I totally uploaded the wrong coding in my locker. Having limited access to the school's internet, I'm not able to grab the code from another saved source. That ruined my skipping :/ Now the only good thing about skipping .. well I don't have to do gym, and most important I wasted another 20minutes of my time talking to my boyfriend. I wouldn't call it wasting if it wasn't on my cellphone .. but my bills would give my parents another frenzy of heart attacks. Although, most of my time was spent on trying to find a temporary replacement for my blog layout, and after a grueling 40minutes of searching I still cannot find a suitable one. . So I decided to just go ahead and pour out some of the events of yesterday and this morning. Isn't that the point of blogging? Like a public diary.

Yesterday I skipped intense rugby training just because my mom disapproved of me joining. That was a waste, for she slept the whole day & I could have sneaked without her knowing. So most of my time was spend watching television and falling asleep, although I was able to finish all my projects which is a big plus for me. My late-nights are always occupied by none other than my boyfriend. That's always my highlight of the whole day. It was a pretty important thing too .. just because I was finally able to pour out my emotions to him. What I mean by that is that I haven't been so good lately .. always feeling unhappy with myself. I hold off on telling him just because I've always kept that inside me. So even with eyes full of tears and an aching chest, I was still able to say how I feel. Maybe I was waiting for the right person to tell it too .. because after that I feel a whole lot better. Our relationship has actually always been complicated. But not a complication between us, but a complication from outside forces. After going through so much, I finally have him by me again. That made my night better as well, causing my morning to be less dreadful. Although I've been going to school later lately, I still find myself tired from last night, no matter how early I sleep. Instead of catching the usual 8:02 bus, I take the 8:26 bus. My sister and I have traded spots, since I've always been the punctual one, and now she's always leaving before me :/ But today I'm glad to have taken the later bus : D Edwin's spanish music made my day even brighter, even if I don't understand any of it, the beats just got to me . HAHAHA . Plus on top of that we were jokign around like little kids in the bus : ) That was a good highlight for this morning. I'm even more happy that no matter what subject I have first thing in the morning, ( either Design Studies or Religion ) I feel relaxed. Therapy classes, that's what I call them : ) Although in Religion class, having my "use to be" friend in there make me remember too much of how good we were together for the 4 years that we have been friends. Seeing her with another and how our relationship changed is hard for me to see. Sometimes I feel looking at her that even if we try to fix what we use to have before, it'll just never be teh same anymore. So much chnages happened between us .. the only good thing that I'm just thankful for is that we didn't end up killing each other through this one big fight. I'm more thankful to God that I had 4 years of friendship with her, no matter how much I sitll miss her as my friend.

The learning commons really isn't the best place to write a blog, but I feel so familiar being with fellow students. Its totally a different feeling from my quiet chilly room. Lunch time is almost approaching, and here I go again .. going to try to squish through the crowd of older students who probably will never notice a 5-foot-4 girl walking their way. Ah well, hopefully the rest of the day turns out okay.

Labels: familiarize, friendship, morning, pour outs

GAH .. I'm worried .. why don't I have it ? ,WHY ? ?
I REALLY PRAY TO GOD THAT I GET IT SOON .
IM WAAAYYYY TO WORRIED ABOUT IT . =(
like seriously .

So I just found out that the only thing that keeps me happy throughout the day is cut-off. No more text messages from my baby. GAH. I make such a big deal about this. Just that I'm going to miss his texting, especially the ones that make me extra happy. The only positive things about this ... um well nothing actually : / unless focusing in class a little bit more counts. But I guess its "somewhat" alright. at least I have something to look forward to every night ( when he calls ) : D

So today I skipped school .. for the millionth time . Well not the millionth, but second semester seemed to be boring me to the max. I don't know if I'd like to go back to my last semester, at least people are pretty chill in my class .. compared to now, except for a few people. It's tiring though it seems, because my body seems to want to sleep more than usual. I hate being tired. I'm just not the same energetic girl as I was in junior high :( GAH . Although frankly speaking, I can still act like a petulant child = - = ' I've been told. But I think today was a pretty good day. At least I got back some of my "contented" feelings I've lost yesterday. Thank God or that .. or thank God for the one that gave it back to me. Yes HE did. BLAH . I'am so lovestruck right now. But let's get out of that topic. My point is that at least I can smile for just a little bit, because there are things in life worth smiling for .. worth giving something for. I just think having some type of support around you really helps you to get off your feet after a hard fall. I saw that today. Well other than that I FINALLY FOUND MY STOLEN PENCIL CASE. HAHAHA . Whoever stole it put it back on at the last spot I remember seeing it at. THANK YOU . Whoever you are. I just hope you don't steal it again : ) hmm. Sleep is calling, so I have to go noww : ) goodnight.

Well I'm talking to you right now, but I still can't stop missing you. It's what you do to me .. I know were young and shtuff , and people thing we don't know any better .. which is probably true, but I know for sure that I love you .. A LOT . Its going to be hard if this change happens .. and you still have no idea what it is ' - ' I want to hold off on telling you, because I want us to stay like this .. like nothing will ever change. Which is obviously not possible, but I'd like to think that .. even if just for awhile. I need you too much to let go in the first place. For me it's hard to imagine life without you . Since we met a little over a year ago, I didn't know how much things can happen between us .. and now look me .. I'm needing you so bad. Beby you're the air that I breathe, and I'd die without you. I miss you right now ..

I still love you . How can I not? You're blood-related to me. I know you'll do anything for me, no matter what, I also know that you know what's best for me .. but right now .. I'm really not liking the decisions you make for me. This is the third time you make the same choice for the same decision. But I'm happy here .. I'm really really happy where I am right now. This always happen .. when I'm happy .. its always taken away by what you want. I know we have potential there .. but I don't want to leave. Not right now. So please keep your promise this time, that we won't leave till were old enough. I can't take being away from those who I'm attached to. Now that I finally fit somewhere .. can't you give me a chance to live it for longer than now?

Maybe taking two science courses is not one of the brightest idea I had .. I mean all the homework adds up to 450348584573489 . well that's over exaggerated but you know what I mean. Let's face it, highschool is hard but surving it .. is even harder .

TRUTH BE TOLD : I'm going to pass fail that Unit 3 Exam in Bio.

btw , im still obsessing over who stole my pencil case . WHO THE FRICK STEALS A PENCIL CASE IN THE FIRST PLACE !!! . GAH .

"Everything else doesn't seem to matter" - right now I'm feeling .. quite .. hmm ? Thinking of HIM seems to be taking over everything else. I can't really seem to put to words how he makes me feel. its amazing how things could change so quickly, you don't even have time to blink your eyes. But looking back now , this is one of the most .. how should I say this? "wonderful" change i've had in my life. I just go berserk if I think of him, knowing I won't see him till what ? even I don't know. But I'm glad to have something / someone to look forward to, to think about every waking hours, and late at night. Just someone to share with .. it makes every bad thing in your life go away. Call me a naive teenager who doesn't know better, I'm fine with that. Maybe I don't know better, but at least right now I can say that I'm very much contented.

Labels: love love love

` Hello stranger :] I'm an islander and considered an alien = . = ' Thank you for dropping in , and I must say this blog right here lives now for my venting purposes. Feel free to read if you must , just don't be so harsh on your thoughts about me. – C