Sometimes I feel like you don't really change, no matter how bad you feel. I hate how I can't understand you, & you can't seem to understand many parts of me. I guess, I`m the one that promised you that I would get use to it .. but how much more can I take ? I always feel like I will collapse someday . . or blow-up on you . I don't want to think of it, but really I'm slowly falling apart. I know its such a small matter , & I shouldn't be making such a big deal about it .. but I feel like I have to do everything sometimes just to get your attention. It isn't simple you know . I just wish that maybe for a change you're the one that will give all your attention to me. I know it seems so much to ask .. but I barely see you, & once in awhile .. even once I want you to look at me. Maybe I`ll be happy then. I thought I'd be ok being with you , but I really hate feeling like this. I'm so needy of you, I really am . Avoiding you .. just doesn't work , & you don't even know how much I've tried .. tried to get use to how you are. Sorry .. if someday I . . .

Labels: change, confuse, imissyou

Its been awhile since I blogged, but because of easter holidays I`m able to take the time to blog some things : )

The last day of school ( before spring break ) , I actually was absent. It was laziness .. of course : ) & I`m sorry to say that I have not yet gone over that fact. I am still lazy no matter how much sleep I get. Hopefully I wouldn't get used to it too much .. gosh especially because I was only able to get night shifts at work.

My PMS`ing got the better of me from a week ago , just because I literally cried over stupid things and is very irritable. I just hate how that works. I'm starting to get over it though, which I'm really thankful for, just because I got some other people worried to the max over the way I was being. I feel better about myself though as the week goes on. I'm just not looking forward to going back to school & going back to that same old routine of going to classes and switching classes. I'm quite excited to be learning Romeo & Juliet .. ` but hopefully I start to understand the "Shakespearean" language = - = '

Today was well .. great : ) I got to spend it with my dumb`Bboii♥ . I missed that idiot so much for the last .. well couple of weeks. I feel bad that it was him I was "PMS`ing" on , especially because he was the one trying to cheer my stupid butt up. I'm thankful that I have him, no matter what though. I wouldn't know what I would do without my bo0Oo .

What else can I say ? Hopefully I`m able to save enough money to fix my gosh dang computer , and still have a bit of extra left for a bus pass & other things. I haven't been good at saving lately T ~ T . I hope I`m able to save a bit more , so I can fill my savings account a little further. With God's help , hopefully I'd be a little bit less tempted to spend anything .. unless its church money.

I was real proud of myself too , just because I was able to make this sketch, & it turned out the way I wanted it to : ) I want to make many more sketches , I just want to learn how to shade properly , just so my drawings will look better. I`ll probably take that up with Jobelle ( pro portrait skecther / shader ) , once we find the time to be together again.

Also I got some more practicing for driving , hopefully I do better , create less heavy turns and well give less heartattacks on my dad's part : )

Labels: art, driving, easter break, shading, spring break, vacay

I really hate my feelings. My feelings for YOU. Sorry that I'm so TOO sensitive. Truth sometimes things that you say .. well I end up taking it to heart. I feel the same when you don't do the things that I thought you would do .. wanted you to do. I know .. I know you're not as experienced as I am in relationships, & I'm sorry that I take everything so hard on you. I really can't help this feeling. I get really emotional for sure. I know I'm not being fair to you, just because the way I feel for you moves up and down all the time. I love you a lot in one point, and I can really hate you the next. Its stupid. I'm really sorry.

` Hello stranger :] I'm an islander and considered an alien = . = ' Thank you for dropping in , and I must say this blog right here lives now for my venting purposes. Feel free to read if you must , just don't be so harsh on your thoughts about me. – C